Mohawks and Manliness
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Bickslow finds that if he's going to have a happy relationship with Lisanna, he needs to gain the approval of her older brother. And Elfman is less than willing to give it away. Alternatively, why is it that Laxus can never just get a night alone with Mirajane? At all? Seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Mohawks and Manliness

Chapter 1

"What a great night I planned for us, eh, demon?"

Mirajane just grinned as her boyfriend came to join her on the couch. She could smell the dinner he'd made cooking still in the kitchen and was excited to find out what it was.

"Definitely, Lax," she said as he handed her one of the two opened beers in his hands. "We never get this, you know?"

"I know," he agreed, tossing an arm over the back of the couch before taking a long few sips of his beer. "You work too much."

"I work too much," she said with a slight scoff. "You're the one that is always taking jobs."

"What difference does it make if you're always going to just work the entire time that I'm off anyhow?"

She just snuggled up to him though. "Well, it doesn't matter anyhow, huh? We're together now."

"That we are, demon."

"And alone."

"It's a wonder what having your own apartment can do for you, huh?"

"We've gone over this," she told him with a frown. "I like living with Elfman and Lisanna. We've always lived together and-"

"And you can still live there," he said. "When I'm out on jobs. But you belong here with me."

"Oh? I do?"

"Well, yeah," he grumbled. "I thought I'd made that pretty clear. I want you to live with me, demon."

"Mmmm…no."

"No?"

"No." She took a sip of her own beer then. "You gotta get used to it, Lax."

"Used to what?"

'You know," she said with a slight shrug. "Not always getting whatever you want."

"I don't want to get used to that."

"Well, that's too bad."

He was busy thinking up a snappy reply when, suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Dragon," Mirajane complained, moving away from him so that he could stand up. "You said that we were going to be alone."

"We are." Setting his beer down after taking another swig from it, he headed out of the living room to go answer the front door. "Just give me a moment, huh, demon?"

As she waited, Laxus just went to go find out who it was that was bothering them and what it would take to get them to go away.

"Oy, boss. Glad you're here."

"I'm not here," Laxus said simply as he opened the door to find Bickslow standing there.

"Eh?"

"I'm not here. I'm not anywhere. Other than with the demon. Alone with the demon. So no, I'm not standing before you right now and you're not about to tell me about whatever it is that you want or need. I-"

"I need to talk to you. About my life. And problems. And-"

"No. No way. You- Hey! I didn't say come in!"

He just slipped passed the man, his babies following.

"It's Lisanna, man," Bickslow said as he headed towards the living room. "And her brother. She- Oh. Hey, boss's boss."

Mirajane wasn't happy to see him for once though and it was obvious.

"Laxus and I are on a date, Bickslow."

"Na-ah. You're at home. Well," he started then. "Not really at home. Right, boss? And what smells so great? Can I stay for dinner? Or is this a real date?"

Growling, Laxus came into the living room behind him. "What do you want, Bickslow?"

"I want what I told you," he grumbled, heading right over to the couch and taking a seat next to the less than thrilled Mirajane. "To talk. I need some advice."

"Advice?" He was slowly winning over Mirajane, Laxus could tell. "On what?"

"Your sister. And brother."

"Well, I-"

"Not from you," he said, frowning at her before looking to Laxus. "From you."

"Me?" he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "What do you want from me?"

"Advice, boss," he said. "I… Elfman's being a real jerk to me and I can't figure it out. I always thought that we were cool."

"Cool?" Laxus made a face. "You rag on him constantly for being with Evergreen."

Giving the other man a look, Bickslow said, "Think back on what you just said and then tell me that he doesn't deserve it."

"You guys are talking about my brother, remember?" Mira was giving Laxus a look and, with a sigh, he unfolded his arms.

"Right, demon," he agreed. "Bickslow, Elfman is…different. And so are you. You're both very…odd."

"My brother, Laxus."

"Odd isn't a hurtful word," he complained.

"It is when you're talking about my brother."

"Then how would you describe him?"

"Well," the woman said slowly, glancing up. "Um, he's very…well…eccentric."

"Fine," Laxus said. "He's eccentric. Just like you, Bickslow."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," the seith said, nodding his head. "Makes sense."

"So-"

"But before you continue," he interrupted, "I'mma need someone to explain to me what eccentric is."

Growling then because he really did just want to get back to his date with Mirajane, Laxus said, "It means that you play with dolls and he goes around yelling about how manly he is!"

"Don't raise your voice, Lax," Mirajane reminded. "We've been working on that, remember?"

With a deep breath, Laxus said, "You're both eccentric, alright? That's the point, Bickslow."

"You actually hit the head with a nail, boss."

He blinked that time. "I did what now?"

"Hit the head with a nail," Bickslow repeated. "It's a saying."

"It is not a saying. At least not the way you're saying it."

"Whatever," Bickslow said, waving off the miscommunication. "What I meant was that it's this manliness stuff that's causing so much friction."

"What?" Laxus asked. "It gets on your nerves too? Just start singing in your head when he goes off about that sorts stuff. Or buy some headphones. Or-"

"Laxus," Mirajane warned then.

"I ain't saying nothing bad about him, demon," he defended. "I do that with most people."

"Do you do it with me?"

"…Back on topic here, Bickslow," Laxus said, deciding to move right along, "Now that I've told you how to deal with it-"

"It's not that," he said. "I mean, it's not just about ignoring him when he gets annoying."

"Then what is it?" Laxus was close to just tossing him out at that point. Seriously. "I ain't got all day."

"He doesn't think that I'm…manly."

"Eh?"

Nodding, the seith said, "Every time he sees me out with Lisanna, he'll say something about it. And I'm trying here, you know? To make a relationship with her, but he ain't making it easy on me. Says that I'm no good or that all I do is joke around and never act like a man. I am a man! Just not a conventional one. I'm, uh, what'd you call it? An expedient one."

"Eccentric," Mira whispered.

"That too."

Laxus just frowned. "He says that everyone isn't manly. He-"

"Not like this," the man argued. "He doesn't like me and he's tryin' to make it to where Lisanna don't either. It's crazy! We've always been okay. But suddenly I'm boning his sister and he hates me? What kinda sense does that make?"

"A lot, actually," Laxus remarked as Mirajane got to her feet.

"I'm gonna go, Lax," she said as she sat her beer down on the table. "I mean, clearly-"

"No, no, no." He rushed to go grab her by the arm and lead her into the kitchen. "You just stay in here, alright? And, uh, wait for me. And wait for the casserole in the oven to be done. Then we can eat."

"You're with Bickslow," she said. "You two are going to talk all night and-"

"I'm with you," he argued. "I just need a minute or two to get this all cleared up, huh?"

"Fine," she said, heading over to the kitchen table. "But hurry. And no more talking badly about my brother. Or…doing things with my sister."

"Of course, demon."

When he got back into the living room, Bickslow was just sitting there on the couch, his babies floating around his head.

"You," Laxus growled, "have got to get out of here. Now."

"I can't," he said. "I need your help. I-"

"Can't we talk about this later? I mean, why-"

"I was out on a date with Lissy, right?" the seith began. "And we were walking back from a restaurant when we ran into Elfman. And he freaking stole her away from me!"

"This took a turn."

"Not like that," Bickslow said with a frown. "Just… He convinced her that they needed to go train or-"

"Maybe they did."

"But he does this every time," he insisted. "Seriously. He shows up, convinces Lisanna to ditch me, and then I'm left all high and dry. Then I know that he's talking bad about me behind my back. She's said as much. He even does it around Evergreen."

"Ever's told you this?"

"Yeah."

"Man, she is kind of a horrible girlfriend, huh?"

"Uh, try a good friend."

"Uh, try same thing."

"Oy, boss." Bickslow buried his head in his hands then. "What am I supposed to do, huh? I mean, clearly I can't be with Lisanna. Not long term. Not if her brother hates me."

"Why not?" he asked. "I screw the demon and me and Elfman can't stand one another."

"I can hear you," Mirajane called from the kitchen. Biting his tongue, Laxus came closer.

"You're killin' my night with Mirajane here, Bickslow," he grumbled, going to pull the man off.

"I need you," he complained as Laxus just drug him out of the living room and to the front door. "Boss-"

"Look," he said softly with a frown. "Elfman isn't hard to figure out. He's very simple, in fact. He loves his sister, likes screwing crazy women, namely Evergreen, and above all else, he respects men. Real men."

"…I'm confused."

"What else is new?" he groaned. "What I'm saying is that you gotta prove yourself to him, yeah? Right now, he just sees you as this loser that, for one, teases his girlfriend relentlessly, has his sister all in love and shit, and, not to mention, has face tattoo and a Mohawk. That's not even bringing up your dolls."

"I know that you're telling me something here, but-"

"Prove yourself to him," Laxus said. "He's not going to respect you and your claim to Lisanna until you do that."

"I have a claim to her?"

"What do you want me to call it?" The man was growing annoyed once more. "I gave you your advice, alright? Now get out. I got a date going on, you know."

"Aye-aye, boss!" He even saluted him. "One more thing though."

"What? What could you possibly-"

"How do you prove yourself to someone? I'm not sure on how-"

"Get out. Figure this all out on your own. Or don't. I don't care. Just get out."

"Oy, boss," he complained as Laxus opened the door before shoving him out of it. "No need to get handsy!"

After he'd tossed the man and his dolls out, Laxus locked the door before letting out a long sigh.

"Demon," he called out as he headed back to the kitchen. "You ready to get back to our date?"

She was just sitting there, staring at oven. "Lax, I'm so hungry. Can we eat now?"

Grinning, he went to give her a kiss. Against her lips, he whispered, "We can do whatever you want."

"Mmmm," she whispered as she pulled away from him. "He's still here."

"Ignore it," Laxus said as the banging on the door continued. "Just-"

"Lax, he really needs you," Mirajane told him. "And-"

"I need you," he reasoned. "And-"

"Just go walk him home," the woman suggested. "Then come back and we can have our date, alright?"

"But Mira-"

"I always said that I wouldn't get in the way of your friends, didn't I? And you wouldn't get in the way of my siblings? So-"

"But- Damn, Bickslow!" He was still banging on the door. With a growl, Laxus set out to get his coat. "Fine. I'll go walk him home. But I'll be back. Okay?"

"'kay."

And he was too…about an hour later. Bickslow wasn't very submissive that night and had taken a lot of coursing to get back to his own apartment. And once there, he still wanted to talk about Elfman and what he should do.

"How do you expect me to come up with a plan, boss?" he complained as he went to go collapse on his couch. "Huh?"

"Huh?" the babies cried. "Huh, boss?"

Growling, Laxus said, "Just do something manly."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Just…" Then, suddenly, something came to him. "Beat him in a fight."

"Come again?"

"That's a real manly thing to do, ain't it?" Laxus really just wanted to get back home to his demon then. "Fight him, win, and then he'll have to bow down to you."

"But-"

"I have to go. And if you bother me again tonight, Bickslow, you'll have a lot more to worry about than stupid Elfman."

The problem was though that by the time Laxus got back, Mirajane was already curled up in his bed, apparently having eaten without him.

"I waited," she whispered sleepily as he frowned down at her. "For awhile."

"Well, get up and we can-"

"No, Lax," she said, shoving him away when he went to tug at her arm. "I'm so sleepy. Next time, huh?"

"Next time?" He didn't mean to, but he growled at her. "When, Mirajane? Huh? How often do you get a night off and I not have plans on that same night? Never! This was our one chance and-"

"Are you yelling at me, dragon?"

"No," he groaned, turning to walk out of the bedroom then, defeated. "I'mma go drink a beer or something. You wanna-"

"Sleeping, Lax. I got to get down to the guildhall in the morning, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Why could things just never go his way? Ever?

* * *

"Did we really need to train again today, Elf?" Lisanna complained as the two sat in the clearing, both taking a break from sparring. "I mean, really?"

"Of course we did, Lisanna," he said as she took to sipping from a water bottle. "You should train everyday. Do you wanna be a man or not?"

"I'm gonna go with not."

"I agree, Lissy. Go with not."

Both Elfman and Lisanna's heads shot up when they were joined in the clearing by the guild's resident seith. He was sporting a big grin too, as if he'd accomplished something. As far as Elfman was concerned, all he'd accomplished was ruining a great brother/sister moment.

"Bickslow!"

Lisanna wasn't feeling the same.

She jumped up to rush over to his side. When he tried to hug her though, she dodged him.

"I'm, like, drenched in sweat."

"And I, like, don't care," he mocked as he moved to wrap his arms around her. "I did come all this way after- Ew, gross. You are sweaty."

"Bicks!"

"I'm kiddin', Lissy. I-"

"How did you know where we were?" Elfman was on his feet again then too, frowning over at the man. He just let Lisanna go before addressing him.

"It wasn't hard to figure out," he said simply. "I just asked Mirajane. She said that you guys always come here, so-"

"Why," the other man kept up, "did you come here? Huh?"

Bickslow gestured to the fact that he wasn't in his normal getup, but rather just a t-shirt and some sorts.

"I'm working out with you guys, yeah?" He punched at the air a few times. "Like a real man."

Lisanna snickered, but Elfman wasn't amused. Not in the slightest.

"You can't," he told him simply. "It's a closed practice. Me and Lisanna only."

"Elfman," his sister complained. "Ever trains with us, like, every other week."

"She's an exception to the rule."

"Then so am I," Bickslow said, punching some more on the air, even bouncing on his feet slightly. It about had Lisanna in stitches. When he stopped that, he just stared across the clearing at Elfman before calling his bluff. "Or are you just afraid to have another man around?"

"Of course not," Elfman was quick to snap. "I would love to have tons of men around!"

"Calm down, Elf," Lisanna sighed as he even flexed for good measure. "And Bickslow won't cause any trouble…will you, Bicks?"

"Na-ah," he said, shaking his head slightly. "I just wanna train with you guys. You know, get a good workout in. You up for that, Elfman?"

He frowned, shrugging slightly. "Well, we were sparring before, but-"

"Sparring? With Lissy? Ha!"

"Ha?" Suddenly, Lisanna was off his side as well. "What do you mean by that, Bickslow?"

"Nothing," he said, glancing at her. "Just that, you know, you're a woman. And not a very big one at that. You're-"

"Excuse me?"

"Lissy," he hissed under his breath. "I'm doing something right now, alright? Just let me-"

"Are we sparring," Elfman called over as he cracked his knuckles. "Or what?"

And by, what big knuckles those were. Maybe messing around with the guy wasn't so much of a good idea…

But no. Bickslow knew what he had to do. He had to beat Elfman in a spar and win Lisanna from him. It was the only way…that he could think of. For the moment.

Boy, he sure hoped it worked.

It was kinda a shock too, when it happened. Bickslow would be the first to admit that he'd been the one to throw the first actual punch, but it hadn't had much of an effect. Elfman was like a brick house or something!

When Elfman punched him, it wasn't nearly as anticlimactic.

"Elf!" Lisanna yelled as Bickslow went down. "Why did you do that?"

"He hit me first," Elfman said as the man just laid there on the ground, vision blurred. "I just reacted."

"You dented his visor!"

Glancing down at the other man, Elfman said, "I think I dented a lot more than just that."

"You know that he fights with his babies," Lisanna hissed at her brother as she went to check on her boyfriend. When she slipped his visor off, Bickslow just kept staring up at the sky.

Did the world always spin at such a fast rate?

"Lissy," he whispered. "If I don't make it-"

"He didn't hit _that_ hard."

"-destroy that box under my bed," he told her. "Don't look in it, don't even smell it. Just toss it in a big bonfire and pretend like it never existed."

Elfman just snorted though, crossing his arms before looking off. "Real men can take a punch."

Bickslow just closed his eyes. So mark that down as a failed endeavor. But what else could he possibly do? Huh?

"That was a sucker punch and you know it," Lisanna told her brother who only groaned before reaching down and forcing Bickslow to stand up.

"There," he said as he helped him keep balance. "All better, Lisanna?"

"I don't know," she said, watching them wearily. "Are you guys-"

"Gottcha!" Bickslow, never knowing when to quit tried again to land a blow on the other man. That time, Elfman only tossed him to the ground.

"Weak," he responded before walking back over to where his water bottle was. "And not at all like a man."

"Why did you do that?" Lisanna whispered to Bickslow as she moved to cradle his head again. He just blinked up at her.

"I dunno," he said slowly. "But it didn't work."

"Obviously not."

Sighing, he moved to sit up some. Time for Plan B. Err, well, time to figure out exactly what he was going to use as Plan B.

Maybe he should go talk to the boss again…

"Training was alright today, Lisanna," Elfman said as he finished with his water and turned to walk off, "but you gotta go home and shower, remember? You're working at the bar tonight."

"That's right," she groaned, getting to her feet once more. "I have to go, Bickslow. Are you-"

"Leave me here," he told her as she handed over his visor. "I gotta hunt out the pieces of my shattered dignity."

"Oh, Bicks."

Elfman just snorted though, heading off when he was sure that his sister was following. "Well, hurry up and find it. Then get to your feet. Like a man!"

"Come see me at the bar," Lisanna called back over her shoulder at him. "Maybe we can spend my break together, huh?"

Bickslow just stared down at his battered visor with a frown.

What other manly things were there for him to do?

And, more importantly, what were the ones that he could beat Elfman at?

* * *

 **This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I figured I'd chop it up and extend it instead. Five chapters definite.**


	2. Chapter 2

Mohawks and Manliness

Chapter 2

"I feel so bad."

"You feel bad? Or you feel like you are bad?"

"Like I am bad," Mirajane said as Laxus rested his forehead against hers, a devilish grin playing at his lips. "About doing this."

"It's your break," he said simply, his hands resting on the woman's hips. "So take a break."

"It's my lunch break," she corrected. Mira was sitting a little further back on his lap and was more resting on her knees than anything else, giving her access to the front of his jeans. Moving to play with the zipper, she grinned at him. "And I'm not eating, am I?"

"You can eat me, baby."

"Gross."

"Only if you choke."

"Laxus."

"Your skin is so soft," he whispered as he stroked her white flesh gently. "Why do you have to wear those dresses all the time?"

"As oppose to what?"

"This," he said, nodding slightly. "Just like this."

"In my bra? You want me to walk around everyone else in-"

"Only second thought," he breathed as he shifted slightly to press his face against her neck. "Hell no."

"Mmmm," she moaned, smiling still as she felt his hands creep up her back to mess with her bra. "Thought so. Lax."

"Damn, you get me so hot."

"I know, dragon."

"No." He kissed her shoulder then. "You don't."

And just as she was sliding her bra off, Laxus heard it.

"The fuck?" he growled at the sound of someone knocking at the front door. "Are you serious?"

"I only have a little while," she said, as he just glared over at the bedroom door, as if the person outside the apartment could feel it. "You know that. Come on, Lax."

"Believe me, baby," he said, looking back at her. "I am."

And he tried to. He really did. But the banging didn't stop. And not the kind that he was trying to get going with the demon either.

"I'm gonna kill them."

"Lax," Mira complained as he left her behind. He'd managed to get out of his shirt already, but luckily still had his jeans on, so he didn't have to worry about pulling anything on. Just rushed from the room with a growl. "Hurry back."

"I will, demon," he grumbled. "I definitely will."

Out of the room Laxus rushed right through the apartment and went to fling the door open.

"What the fuck do you- Lisanna?"

She just stood there though, glaring heavily at him. "I hope you're happy, Laxus."

"Considering you just ruined me fucking the hell out of the demon? No. Not one bit." He growled. "You?"

"Ew, gross. Mira! Are you here?"

"Hey, kid," Laxus grumbled as she shoved passed. "Did you hear anyone invite you in?"

"I'm not a kid," Lisanna told him as she just continued on into the apartment. "I'm mad at you right now."

"And that's all fine and dandy, but there is no blood going to my brain right now to of any use to you at all," he told her. "So-"

"Were you the one that told Bickslow to try to…out man Elfman or whatever stupid thing he's cooked up?"

"No. I don't know." Did he? "I mean, the loser was over here yesterday, ruining my date and whatnot, but-"

"What's going on?"

"Damn it, demon," Laxus grumbled as she joined them then, wearing only a pair of panties and the shirt he'd left behind, hardly any of the buttons done up. She must have heard her sister's call. "I said to wait-"

"Laxus has convinced Elfman and Bickslow to kill one another and-"

"Is it just in you Strausses to stretch the truth? Something I should worry about passing onto me and the demon's children?" Laxus grumbled. "I mean, seriously?"

That took the worry out off Mira's look as she glanced at him then. "Aw, Laxus. You wanna have babies with me?"

"Well, I was just guessing that you did-"

"Lots!"

"-and I wouldn't want you having them with someone- Lots?"

"Lots."

"Define lots."

"Well-"

"Would you two focus?" Lisanna complained making her sister giggle and Laxus shoot her a look. "I kinda came here for a reason, you know."

"No, I don't know," Laxus said. "But I do know that this dragon was about to bust a nut and, trust me, kid, you don't wanna be around to see that."

"Laxus," Mira groaned as Lisanna' paled.

"Ew, ew, ew," she said, turning to rush right back out of the apartment. "I'm done. So done. I-"

"Lisanna, just tell me what's wrong," her sister sighed as Laxus, annoyed now, went to go stand with his girlfriend. "Quickly."

"Bickslow showed up at me and Elf's practice," the woman said. "And-"

"Yeah, I know," Mira said with a frown. "I sent him, after all. What? Did something happen?"

"He tried to spar with Elfman," the girl said. "And Elf, like, obliterated him."

"Oh," Mira said with a blink as Laxus just frowned.

"Bickslow got his ass kicked by Elfboy?" Snort. "I'mma have to demote that idiot. Be my bodyguard and you can't even stop damn Elfboy."

"He didn't have his dolls, okay?" Lisanna complained. "He was just trying to beat him on brute strength alone."

"Well, that's stupid," Laxus went on. "I can't have someone stupid guarding me, can I?"

"Maybe if you didn't have your head up your own ass so much, you wouldn't need anyone guarding-"

"Would you two stop it?" Mirajane gave them both a frown. "Did Elfman hurt him, Lisanna?"

"Well, no, not really. Bickslow sure thought he did though."

"He does have a thing for dramatics," Laxus remarked. "Almost as much as Freed."

Mira just frowned. "Well, what do you want from us then, Lisanna? I mean-"

"I want you to tell your boyfriend to stop giving my boyfriend bad advice."

"I-"

"I didn't give him bad advice, Lisanna," the man growled then, glaring at her. "I told him that if he wanted to impress your brother, then he had to prove himself. And how does one man prove himself to another?"

"Laxus," Mira hissed. "Honestly."

"What? I just meant fighting."

"Oh."

"What did you think I meant?"

"Well-"

"Would you two pay attention?" Lisanna complained. "The point is that you're going to get Bickslow killed."

"I am not," the man told her with a frown. "You said that they already fought, right? Well, now Bickslow lost and it's over, huh?"

"Wrong," she said with a frown. "Now he's decided that tonight, he and Elfman are going to have a real fight."

"Great." Laxus clapped his hands together. "Something fun to do today. My money's on Bickslow."

"Well, don't count Elf out so easily," Mirajane sang. "I mean, he did beat him sparring."

"Yeah, sparring. Clearly, Bickslow's going to pull out all the stops, use his little seith magic and bam! He beats your little manly brother."

"Elfman is not going to be that easy to take down though, Laxus," his girlfriend kept up. "You always count him out."

"Of course I do. He's an idiot."

"Well, when that idiot beats your seith-"

"Bet."

"I am betting. Right now. I-"

"This isn't a good thing," Lisanna interrupted both of them. "Or are you guys not getting what I am?"

"Apparently not," Laxus retorted. "So why don't you just tell us what your problem with this is?"

"When Elfman beats Bickslow-"

"Why do you both insist that this is just the automatic conclusion?"

"-he's going to get all discouraged and stuff," she went on. "Not to mention, Elfman's already annoying about the whole thing. If he beats Bickslow in an actual fight and neither of them can dispute it, then-"

"Lisanna," Laxus groaned then, shaking his head. "The guild hasn't had a good fight in a long time. I'm sure they've already all told everyone. This is gonna happen. And it's gonna be epic to watch your dumbass brother get knocked flat on his ass."

"No cursing," Mira ordered with a frown. "And no talking bad about Elf."

"You guys-"

'He's right though, Lisanna," the other woman went on. "This is the way that we settle things. You know that. And, when Bickslow loses-"

"Ha, woman. What world do you live in?"

"-it'll be a good learning experience for him."

"So what?" Lisanna asked then. "I'm just supposed to let them act stupid over me?"

"This is bigger than you," Laxus explained. "This is about pride now. And neither of them are backing down. It's gonna be an epic fight. One for the ages."

"Are you serious?" Mira asked, glancing up at him. He just shrugged.

"I really just want this conversation over so we can get back to what we were doing."

Glaring at both of them, Lisanna said, "You two suck. You're supposed to be guiding all of us, but all you ever want to do is screw anymore."

"I guide you and Elf very well."

"And I've always just wanted to fuck the demon," Laxus told her. "End game since the beginning. So…bye."

"Laxus-"

"I'll be down at the bar later," Mirajane told her sister. "I mean, I have to. I gotta see my bet pay off."

"What was your price anyhow?" Laxus asked, glancing down at her.

"Mmmm, I dunno. What's yours?"

Leaning down, he whispered something in her ear that made her bat at his chest and Lisanna look on with disgust.

"Okay," the younger Strauss said then. "I'm leaving. You guys win. You've creeped me out."

"Finally," Laxus groaned as she left the apartment, leaving him alone with his demon. "I thought she'd never get outta here."

"You could have been a tad bit more kind to her, you know. That is my sister."

Grunt. "Don't wanna talk about her anymore."

"Laxus," she complained as he moved to get those pesky buttons undone once more. If it wasn't one of his favorite shirts, he would have just ripped it right off her. "Behave."

"I don't wanna behave," he told her, slipping the shirt right off her when he finished with the buttons. "I wanna get so bad, demon. Fuck. It's been how long now?"

Mentioning time wasn't the smartest move on Laxus' part as, suddenly, the current amount that had passed since she'd left the guildhall came back to Mirajane.

"Oh, Laxus," she said, pushing his hands away before turning to run off for the bedroom. At first, he thought this was a good thing, as she was clearly feeling it too, before he realized that wasn't her intent. She didn't sound turned on. She sounded worried. "I have to go."

"You have to what?" He'd followed her and was frowning as she took to getting dressed. "Demon-"

"Look at the clock," she said, pointing to the one on his bedside table. "I have to get back."

"No. Mira, I'm…no. You can't. Let's just-"

"No, Laxus. I'm sorry."

"But-"

"Go look at one of your dirty magazines or something," she said dismissively as she slipped back into her dress.

"Demon," he grumbled, but to no avail. She wasn't interested, apparently.

"Zip me up," she said, going to stand before him. "Hurry, dragon."

"Mira-"

"What do you want from me, Laxus? I have to go. I'm sorry. Really."

"This isn't fair. Demon, I want-"

"I know. Maybe tonight, huh?" Then she winked as, once he'd zipped her dress, she turned around to look at him. "If you win your bet, that is."

He wasn't smiling. Not even as he walked her to the front door and kissed her goodbye.

Damn Lisanna. Damn her.

* * *

"This isn't fair," Natsu complained to Lucy as they all gathered around to watch the fight. "Why can't I get involved? Huh? I wanna fight for Lisanna too."

"Is that what we're doing?" she asked softly. "That makes sense, I guess."

"It's because Bickslow _loves_ Lisanna," Happy sang as he floated around their heads, also pumped for the fight. "Isn't it great?"

"No," Natsu grumbled, still glaring across the little crowd of Fairy Tail members that had gathered around. "Not unless I get a chance to fight. This is a force."

"A for...farce, Natsu," Lucy corrected with a sigh. "This is a farce."

"I'm glad you think so too."

"No, I-"

"Lucy," Happy complained. "How could you?"

"I didn't!"

Across the gathered crowd stood Lisanna, who was with her boyfriend, watching as he bounced around, stretching out before his match. His babies were floating around too, singing their praises of their father. His girlfriend, however, was annoyed as she'd been from the beginning.

"I don't get why you guys have to fight," Lisanna complained as Bickslow threw a few practice punches, as well as jumped around a bit. "I mean, what's the point of that?"

"Uh, gee, Lisanna," he grumbled, "if you don't get it yet, I'mma go out on a limb and say you never will."

"This is stupid though," she complained. "This-"

"Look," he grumbled, nodding over at where Laxus was, arms crossed over his chest as he stood with his demon. That just so happened to be with Elfman, but the seith wasn't holding it against him. He was just standing with his woman. That was all. "The boss is over there, yeah? Watching? So I got a lot riding on this. It's not just about proving what a man I am to your brother-"

"I don't get why it matters what Elfman thinks," she said. "Short of you being just like him, he's not going to think that you're a man. Really, the list of people he considers a man is very short and, honestly, contains a lot of women, which is kinda weird-"

"Lissy, I'm doing this, alright?" He rolled his shoulders then. "Me and the babies, we made the challenge, so now we gotta follow through. It's just the way it goes."

"Do what you want," she sighed, even rolling her eyes slightly. "I just think that this is stupid. That's all."

"Most of the things I do are stupid," he pointed out. "Asking you out after Laxus told me not to was stupid. Taking in lost souls was stupid. Trekking around after my parents were dead instead of sticking to the home I knew was stupid. I'm stupid. But it always works out for me in the end. Hasn't it?"

Still, she just shook her head. "You're not allowed to possess my brother."

"What? Lissy-"

"No. You're not."

"It's how I fight."

"Too bad."

"I'm gonna do it now, just 'cause you told me not to. And you knew that before you said it, didn't you?"

"He won't fall for it anyways. He would look you in the eyes."

"Everyone says that," he told her as he pushed up his visor, just so he could look her in hers. "They think that's the trick or something. Like that's possible. But see, the trick is, once they know they can't do it, that if they do, something bad will happen, it's compulsion. They don't want to do it, but they have to. So they do. And then I win. Especially one on one. So I have this in the bag. And I always will against your brother. I win, Lissy. That's just how it is."

Still, across the crowd, Laxus was starting to have his doubts.

"That little prick better get the job done," he grumbled softly to himself. "Got the demon riding on this."

At the moment, Mirajane was more focused on explaining to Elfman that, though he might not think of Bickslow as a man nor worthy of their little sister, hurting him would not work.

"It's something weird about women," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "We love to nurse things back to the heath."

"Well, I damn sure ain't blowing it just to keep Lisanna from getting more attached to him or something silly like that," Elfman grumbled as he cracked his knuckles. "He challenged my manliness! And I don't let that go easily."

Laxus only sighed. "Look, big guy, I don't completely hate you, so I'm gonna level with you here; you stand no chance. Size does not matter. Today, I mean. In this instance. He's going to use his babies to distract you, possess you, and then make you just harm yourself. Or something similar to that. So what possible plan of attack could you have? Huh? Gonna squash him? Is that it? Is that what your pea sized brain came up with?"

"Dragon," Mirajane warned with a frown. He just ignored her though, continuing to stare at her younger brother.

With a shrug, the man didn't say much. Just, "I'm gonna teach him what it means to be a man!"

Which made Laxus roll his eyes and Mirajane sigh.

How exactly did anyone expect them to guide the others when they were constantly given crap like that to work with? Honestly?

"You can't honestly think that lanky little Bickslow's going to beat him, can you?" Mirajane whispered to Laxus as Elfman walked away from them and to the center of the crowd. "Dragon? Tell me that you're just saying that out of loyalty or something."

"I was going to ask the same thing of you," he told her simply. "I mean, you're picking goofy Elfman over Bickslow why, exactly?"

"Well, goofy isn't really a good description here, since they both fall into that category in one way or another," she pointed out. "So-"

"Yeah, but demon, you aren't just rooting for him off size, are you?" Laxus gave her a look for that. "You hide it well, but you aren't exactly a battle novice here."

"Not at all."

"Then you should know that brute strength is equal if not easily beaten by speed and nimbleness."

"It can be, yes," she said slowly. "But Bickslow isn't _that_ tiny. And he doesn't really rely on hand-to-hand combat. He works better from afar, manipulating his dolls to do his bidding for him. If Elf just gets in one good hit, preferably with one of his animal souls, then he has Bickslow. It'll be over."

"But Bickslow not just going to stand there and let him do that," Laxus argued. "That's where the speed comes in. He's going to dodge, use the babies to attack and distract Elfman, and then go from there. Probably even scale a wall or two. And Elfman has no defense against that. He has no way to attack that. Bickslow has flight, if he uses the babies, he's nimble, he has all those little acrobatic tricks, and, if all else fells, he has possession. Bickslow, hands down, has this."

"A lot of people count Elfman out," Mirajane said simply. "And a lot of people are wrong. They always have been."

Snort. Then, "Alright, demon. You stick to your guns on this one."

"I am."

"But when you're holding up to your end of the bet tonight, I don't wanna hear nothing about how tired you are or how you hate doing it."

"I do hate it," she agreed. "You think that'd be a bit of a turn off for you."

"Not in the slightest."

"And hey," she said, glancing up at him then. "We never talked about what I get if I win."

"Well, you won't, so-"

"Lax."

"What do you want, demon? Or is it too dirty to say?"

That got him a slight hit. Then she said, "I just want us to go out on a date."

"Yes! That's what I've been asking for since-"

"Not just us, Lax."

"Oh no."

Nodding, she said, "I want it to be me, you, Lisanna, Elf, Bickslow, and Ever. And Freed too if he can find a date. Or if not. I'm not too picky. I just-"

"Mira," he groaned. "Stopped trying to make this happen."

"Trying to make what happen?"

"Us be some sort of…family or whatever," he grumbled. "You have your siblings and I have my followers. Sure, they're all intermingled, but that's separately. What don't you get about that? There's me and you. There's Elfman and Evergreen. Then there's, for now, Bickslow and Lisanna. And Freed, all by himself. There is no Strauss…Thunder Legion…thing. There's just not."

"Oh, there is, Laxus," she told him with a definite nod. "And it's called Thunder Strauss Tribe by the way."

He about choked. "No, it's not."

"Is too."

"…Have you thought about this a lot or-"

"Actually, yes," she said with a nod. "Obviously, me and you are at the head of it."

"I'm at the head, but go ahead."

" _No,"_ she said with a shake of her head. "We're at the top together. If not me ahead of you."

Snort. "How do you figure?"

"I control you, of course."

"Excuse me?" He even uncrossed his arms for that, turning to glance down at him. "Demon?"

"You heard me."

"You do not-"

"Behave."

"Mira-"

"I mean it, dragon."

Narrowing his eyes then, he said, "Fine. Whatever. Get back to your point."

"Right," she said with a nod. "So there's me and you. Then there's, obviously, Freed."

"Freed's after us how exactly?"

"Because," she said with a slight shrug. "He controls Ever and Bickslow. He's their leader already. And he's older than Lisanna and Elfman and also more knowledgeable about most things. They don't have much to do with him, but ultimately, they'd bow to him."

"Bow to him? What are we know? Kings and knights and shit?"

"No cursing," she said which made him glare again. "After Freed is Ever. Then Elf."

"Why aren't they together? Like you and me?"

That got him a look. "Honestly? I mean, you see the way she treats Elfman. He rebels sometimes, but ultimately she has him. It's just the way it is."

"Right." Another snort. "So what? You think that you women just have all us guys under your thumb?"

"No," she said, making a face at the accusation. "Bickslow definitely out ranks Lisanna."

"Really now?"

"I mean come on, Laxus. She thinks she's in love with him." Then, in a softer tone, she said, "And this is her first actually boyfriend. A way older one at that. Bickslow has her under his, well, spell. He has since they first started dating."

"Bet your sister would love to hear how you put that."

"Oh, she knows. She might not admit it, but inwardly she knows everything I just said is true. All of them would, if they heard me say it."

Rolling his eyes, Laxus said, "Fine. So there are the rankings to this totally made up-"

"It's not made up, Laxus. It's a thing. You can fight it, you can hate it, but it's a thing. Get over it."

"Still don't change the fact that we're not going on this little double…triple…date thing that may or may not include Freed."

"Thunder Strauss Tribe outing."

"You're so weird," he said, finally having to chuckle, if only slightly. His silly, odd little demon. "Bickslow's gonna win though and then you're gonna have to-"

"I know what I'll have to do," she said. "If that happened. But it won't, so-"

"Oh, you'd be surprised."

They all would. As, just then, everyone fell silent.

It was starting.

Bickslow wasn't playing around either. Almost immediately he called out for his babies to form the Baryon Formation, the dolls circling tightly around one another before shooting a strong beam at Elfman. It was easy enough for him to dodge, the green light leaving a scorch mark on the building behind him, those gathered around having just avoided becoming part of the action by diving away.

"Pulling out all the stops, huh?" Elfman was pumped just from that. "Like a real man!"

Bickslow wasn't playing though. The man had shown him up earlier, but there was no way that things were going down that way again.

"Well," the larger man said as the dolls, not receiving much instruction, took to just shooting tiny blasts at him as they floated around. They seemed irrelevant to Elfman as he said simply, "I guess that means I should too!"

"See, Laxus?" Mirajane prompted, elbowing him then as Elfman transformed into his Weretiger takeover. "Speed. Now he has that. And strength. And-"

"Speed?" That one got another snort. "Hardly. He's faster than usual, fine, but when you put him up against Bickslow, it's nothing. He's agile as a mouse. Big and chunky over there however-"

"Where'd you go?" came a growl then from then transformed Elfman. He'd only blinked, but suddenly, Bickslow was nowhere in sight. His babies were still in reach, but the seith himself was nowhere to be found. "Coward! A man doesn't run from his opponents!"

"Ain't no one running from anyone," came the reply from above. When Elfman turned his head up, he saw the man there, perched on the roof of one of the buildings. Waving down at him, he said, "It's not my fault that you're not _man_ enough to come up here and get me!"

"How did he do that?" Mirajane whispered to Laxus, apparently having lost the seith too for a moment.

"I told you, Mirajane, he can do anything."

"Laxus-"

"He can balance on the babies," he said with a shrug. He hadn't been paying too much attention either. "Two of them probably flew him up there as Elfman was too busy talking about how much of a man he is."

"I could go up there and knock him around some," Natsu was complaining to Lucy about them. "But no. They won't let me fight. How unfair is that?"

"You couldn't," Lucy said. "Happy could take you, but-"

"Yeah, me and Hap are a team, Luce," he complained. "Duh."

"Yeah, Lucy," Happy agreed. "Duh."

"Right," she said with an eye roll. "Silly me."

"Get down here!" Elfman growled as Bickslow's dolls only cackled, floating around him. "A real man would stand and fight."

"Yeah? Why's that?" the seith hollered down to him. "Because that's the way that you would do something? Na-ah. If I'mma fight, then it's gonna be on my terms. And if I'm more comfortable doing it this way, then that's the way I'm doing it!"

"That's fine! As long as you're not worried about being a man!"

"I am a man! I- Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh?" Elfman repeated before glancing around. "Wha- Oh."

He saw then, what the other guy was so concerned with. It was actually two people. Two very ticked off people, who happened to be pushing their way through the small throng of other members that had gathered.

"Bickslow," came the loud, booming call of Freed. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Uh…well…I don't own a watch, but-"

"We had," the green haired man growled as he pushed forwards, to glare up at the building, "a training session planned. But for some reason, Evergreen and I have spent the past hour and a half without you!"

"What are you doing?" Ever literally walked into the center of the pack and right over to Elfman. "Who are you fighting?"

"Evergreen," he growled, glaring at her. "I'm trying to have a battle here!"

"He and Bickslow are having it out, yeah?" Natsu called out from where he was punching at the air. "For Lisanna!"

"And manliness," Elfman agreed, pumping his own, furry fist. Ever just made a face before looking back up at the building.

"Bickslow, get down here," she called. "Now."

"No way! I'm busy. Babies, get back to shooting him," he grumbled, the dolls thrilled by the idea and taking immediately to doing so, almost getting Ever a few times who glared up at their master.

"This fight's going nowhere fast," Mirajane whispered to Laxus who was glaring then at the lot of them. "Is it?"

"What," he growled, moving to walk over to Elfman and Ever as well, "are you idiots doing? I have something very important riding on Elfboy here getting his ass handed to him, so, Ever, if you would kindly screw off-"

"What crawled up your butt?" Elfman grumbled as he glanced at him.

"I do not understand this." Freed was still looking up at the roof, watching Bickslow. "Are you going to jump or something?"

"No! I'm fighting!"

"That would make things a lot more interesting at least," Ever sighed.

"Come down here, Bickslow," Laxus growled. "Now! And kick his ass! I have not had any decent time with my demon in forever! So come down here and make it happen!"

"Oh, geez, boss, I'm sorry, but I'm not really into threesomes or what have you. And me and Lissy are really-"

"What? I didn't say anything like that! You-"

"Could you guys just all stop now?" Lisanna was coming over to then. "Bickslow, come down. You and Elfman clearly aren't going to fight."

"What are you talking about, Lisanna?" Elfman asked. "I'm roaring for a fight!"

"Well roar with a breath mint there, tiger," Ever remarked. "I thought we talked about better hygiene?"

"Woman, I am in the middle of a battle! Leave me alone!"

"Would you just get back to fighting?" Laxus complained. "I-"

"Still, I do not understand what this will prove," Freed remarked as Bickslow called some of his babies back to him. "Fighting? Honestly? To prove manhood? Surely in this day and age, you do not think such things prove anything. Mirajane beat me in a fight. Is she more of a man than I?"

"Of course," Elfman said. "I thought that was obvious."

"Freed's a different kind of man," Ever responded slowly. "And I think he has a point. You guys are only proving one side of manliness. And, really, fighting isn't that manly."

"It's not?" Elfman, with a frown, dropped his arms. "That's a bold face lie!"

"Call me a liar again, Elfman, and you will have a fight on your hands."

"Arg!" Natsu growled from the crowd. "This is killing me! Someone fight!"

And then, because he honestly couldn't take it anymore, he came running full speed at Elfman, trying to tackle the other man to the ground. The other man held his ground well though and just tossed Natsu from him, the slayer tumbling back into the other.

Laxus didn't like that. At all.

"Get out of here, Salamander," he growled. "This has nothing to do with you!"

"Oh, no," he said with a shake of his head as he righted himself. "I can't help myself now. I'm all fired up. Come here, Elfman!"

"Is the Salamander a man then?" Freed wasn't finished, apparently, with his reflection. "He has won many battles. But a man? Hardly. Now Laxus, he embodies every thing a man-"

"Don't get weird," the guy in question requested before looking up at Bickslow. "Get down here and beat both the Salamander and Elfman! That's an order!"

"Yes, boss," he sighed.

"Oh, no, Laxus." Mira was coming over as well then as her sister gave her a pleading look to just stop all of them. "Natsu was not part of the deal."

"What?"

"He interfered and attacked Elfman," she said. "Which would benefit Bickslow. That's cheating."

"The hell are you getting this made up, bullshit rules from? Huh?"

"No cursing, dragon."

"Mira-"

"I mean it."

The crowd was dispersing then as it became increasingly clear that there was no real battle to be had, only more of Natsu and his annoying habit of getting in minor tussles with anyone and everyone.

"You're not going to trick me, Mirajane," Laxus said with a frown as he glared down at her. "You lose."

"In what way?"

"Elfman is the one that's fighting, willingly mind you, Natsu. Which means that Bickslow has been unfairly left out." Crossing his arms victoriously then, Laxus said perhaps a tad too loudly, "So get the lube and the hell over it. Tonight is the nigh- The fuck, demon?"

She'd slapped him. Rather hard too. In the face.

Lisanna took to glaring at him too. "Too far, Laxus."

"You strike me again, demon and- Where are you- Damn it, guys," Laxus growled as Mirajane walked off, no doubt back to the guild hall. Elfman and Natsu had stopped wrestling, if only for a moment, more or less in shock at what Mira had done. "You all had one job. One job! Fight one another. You dumbasses do it everyday! But today? The one day that I want you to? You clown around and get nothing accomplished. Nothing. What part of me outranking you all don't you get? You have to do what I say!"

And then, with another growl, Laxus headed off in the opposite direction of Mirajane.

"Oy," Bickslow remarked as, with the help of the babies, he came to touch down on the ground. "What did the boss mean? Outranking us?"

"Perhaps his S-Class status?" Freed suggested as he stared in shock "I do not know any other way that we could possibly be ranked. And it is not like him to blow up in such a way. He usually is so composed with his anger."

Lisanna just threw her arms around Bickslow. "I'm so glad you're so good at hiding."

"I wasn't hiding, Lisanna," he complained as she kissed his cheek. "I was strategizing!"

"I should go speak with Laxus," Freed said slowly. "Clearly something is wrong."

"I think," Ever remarked as Elfman and Natsu got back to fighting, Happy flying over to watch, "that he's just…well…you know."

"I know?"

"He made it pretty clear," Lisanna agreed. "That's why Mirajane got so mad at him."

"Well, it's not like they're ever subtle," Freed said with a frown.

"I still have no idea what we're talking about," Bickslow said before glancing over at Elfman. "Hey! You're not supposed to be fighting him. What? Are you not man enough to fight with me then? Huh?"

"I have already stated that if we are determining manliness, this is not the way," Freed told him, though it was clear that his mind was elsewhere. Namely, on Laxus. But that was where it usually was, anyhow. "I know many true, unbiased ways to prove such a thing."

"Why exactly do we need to prove manliness again?" Ever asked. "I mean, honestly, at this point I feel like I've tired of the word."

"Because Elfman doesn't think I'm a man," Bickslow said before yelling at the guy, who was still fighting with Natsu, "But I am one!"

"He seems a tad indisposed at the moment," Freed said. "Though, after I go find and check on Laxus, I assure you, I will have many ways in which for the two of you to prove your manliness. You-"

"Uh, no offense, Freed," Lisanna spoke up. "But if you're going to, you know, tell us about how manly…you are? And prove it in ways that you would be manly? Because I don't think that's what Elf would exactly consider manly."

Elfman, who at the moment had Natsu pinned to the ground, glanced over at them. "Oh, no. Freed is just like me. We've talked about it many times. He appreciates men the same way I do!"

Ever let out a long sigh. "Oh, Elf."

"It's true," he insisted. "Tell them, Freed. We've talked about how- Hey! Natsu! I'm talking here!"

"And I," the Salamander growled as he punched the man over him in the face, "am trying to have a fight!"

"So was I!" Bickslow insisted. "I-"

"You weren't fighting," Elfman said as he got off Natsu, though it was because he was changing out of his transformation once more and back to his normal state. With it just being one of their usual scuffles, he was more comfortable with doing it that way. The pink haired man tried to use this to his advantage, but Elfman just slugged him the second he got to his feet as well.

"I was fighting," Bickslow argued. "Just not the way you were."

"There in lies the problem," Freed told them. "You both have a different fighting style. Just like you have different ways in which you are men. To compare the two is asinine. You are both men and do not out…man one another in anyway."

Elfman, who was dealing with Natsu once more, and Bickslow, who was just standing there, both gave him a look.

"No, I'm definitely more of a man."

"I was never saying I was more of one than you," the seith argued. "Just that I am one to begin with!"

"Hardly."

"Obviously, none of you want my help." Freed was finished with them then and, with a shake of his head, he took to walking off. "I must go check on Lax-"

"Uh, Freed." Ever was quick to follow. "We were training, remember? And had come to get Bicks-"

"There is no time for that, Evergreen! Laxus is in need of me."

"Laxus is in need of Mirajane, but you never have quite got that, have you?"

As they walked off and Natsu and Elfman's battle brewed on, Lisanna was left with her boyfriend.

"So what?" she asked as he just glared at Elfman. "Are you going to jump in or-"

"And what? Have him say that I had to have the damn Salamander help me out?"

"Bickslow, I really don't think-"

"There's gotta be another way," he growled before stalking off, her following. "Another test to prove myself to him. And I'll figure it out. Don't you worry."

"Uh, considering I've told you flat out that I want nothing to do with this and really don't care about whatever stupid thing you and my brother have going on-"

"More thinking, Lissy, and less talking!"

Ugh. Being the lowest rank was horrible. Especially when you didn't even realize you were.

* * *

 **I had a plan for this chapter and then, well, I started writing more and more with Mirajane and Laxus and the plan went out the window. Oh well. I guess I'm just more into the two of them right now.**


	3. Chapter 3

Mohawks and Manliness

Chapter 3

"Wow, dragon," Mirajane complimented as he poured her a glass of wine. "You really are remorseful."

"Uh-huh," he agreed before glancing at her. "You see the way I've cleaned up?"

"Very nicely," she complimented, glancing around the apartment for herself. "And you said something about making dinner?"

"The best dinner. Not like last time. Oh no. I was serious this time. Trust me."

"Believe me, I do."

It was two days later and, as always, Laxus was quick to realize that anger would get him nowhere with the demon and the only way back in with her was to come on his knees. Metaphorically, of course…luckily.

"Did you just go out and buy this?" Mira asked after taking a sip from the glass he'd poured her. "Lax?"

"Yep," he said, taking his seat next to her on the couch with his own glass. "Got the expensive shit for my demon."

"No cursing."

"I'm sorry. So sorry. Dragon's sorry." Then, even though he hated wine, he gulped down some then, just to please her. "I've been real bad, haven't I, demon?"

"Mmmhmm."

"And…I wasn't thinking. I get so wrapped up in our, you know, repartee that sometimes I forget myself. My surroundings. I should treat you better. I should-"

"Laxus? You're not winning me over."

Not yet, anyways. He knew that. It would take a minute or two. A few more compliments. Pleas for forgiveness. Some sweet talk. Say that he'd never be as honored as he was when she accepted him as her boyfriend. And would be even more so when she made him her husband. Just a bunch of garbage that got the demon all hot and bothered. And made her coo and love him. He'd been a master a seduction before Mirajane and, well, all his skills went to use with the woman. Even then sometimes that wasn't enough, but that night? That night he was going to make sure that it was.

"Sorry, demon." He let out a long sigh, shaking his head slightly. "I'm just…so torn up, you know? I wrote you a song."

"You did not."

"Well, I found you a song." He shifted on the couch to set his glass down before picking up his Sound Pod that sat there already. "I was laying in bed last night, heard it, and just thought about you."

"If it's about sex-"

"It's not." He gave her his saddest look, as if he were hurt. "It's about the winter."

"The winter?"

"Mmmhmm." He was moving to latch the spiked headphones onto her ears then. "It's about how it comes and kills."

"Lax," she complained, still unsure of where he was going. He just pressed a kiss to her head though.

"It kills everything," he mumbled against her forehead. "The crops, the animals, some people even, if they aren't prepared for it. But it's so beautiful, huh? It blankets the land in ice and snow, making it so white and pure. And even when it's over, when it melts, it raises the rivers, the deep blue rivers, as it turns to water, trying to drown out the yellow spring. But it never does. Ain't that so sad?"

Mirajane just stared into his eyes though. "Not for the yellow spring."

"Yes, for the yellow spring," he said as he just rested his forehead against hers then. "If he wants to get taken by the winter, I mean."

"Does he?"

"So much, demon," he whispered. "You don't even know."

"Then maybe he shouldn't just ask the winter flat out for sex and hardly ever take her anywhere nice anymore because, dragon, eventually the winter catches on to his ploys and gifts, which, by the way, there have not been enough of recently."

"You're a handful."

"So is winter." She shoved him away then before settling back into the couch, glass still in hand. "It's a cute song though. You've vastly butchered the meaning for your own gain, but then again, you do that with most things."

Sitting back then, Laxus just sent her a glare. "Since when did you get so savvy?"

"Uh, since you did this before. Don't you remember?'

"No. What?"

"You found some stupid song about summer and compared that to me."

"I did not."

"You did too! And you talked about how spring had to submit to summer, just like a dragon was to a demon-"

"Oh shit." He sat back then. "I'm losing my mind. I have done this exact thing to you before."

"I like this one better though, if it's any consolation."

"Have we really been together that long?" he mumbled. "That I'm having to reuse my lines and schemes?"

"Mmmm. Wine was a nice touch. And dinner smells fabulous."

"I'm losing my edge."

"It's okay, dragon," she said, glancing over at him. "You know I'm still going to give you something tonight."

"Something?"

"Not what you were wanting before, no, but something."

Huh.

"W-Well, you know that's not the only reason I invited you over."

"Mmmhmm."

"It's not." Shifting closer to her on the couch once more, he looked down at her before saying, "I've missed you."

"It's only been-"

"I know. But…knowing that you're angry at me, demon, is like-"

"Like knowing that your magic is there, but you just can't use it. You feel lost and incomplete. Because a dragon needs his-"

"Gah! What the hell, Mira?"

"You're not very original these days, Lax."

He took a moment to pout before, slowly saying, "You know, sitting here, just the two of us-"

"Reminds you of how we first met? When you saw me walk into the guildhall, all pissed at the world and how I came over to your table to sit down after talking to Master? And how we just glared at one another and-"

"I hate you. I hate this. We've been together too long."

"Poor dragon."

"Poor me."

"You know, if you would just try saying sorry and meaning it, that might work."

"Eh?"

"Mmmhmm." With her free hand, she began to take his headphones off her ears. "I love you, Laxus, but you embarrass me sometimes with just how…brazen you like to be. You think that it makes our relationship more real if you brag in front of others about how much sex we have or are upfront in public about what you want from me that night. It doesn't. It was cute at first, but now I don't like it."

"I know." That time he could only stare down at his feet. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She even patted him on the shoulder. "I've dated worse men. Way worse men. You're…endearing. And I do love you. And I know that you love me. Sometimes you just gotta get passed that persona you want everyone to buy. I like gruff and rough, but I also like when you're being sincere and truly genuine."

Swallowing, he asked, "So, if I was sincere right now and told you that I really just want to bust a nut-"

"And it's over."

"Mira-"

"Behave, Laxus. Seriously. You are not that horny. And you are definitely not that deprived."

He wasn't. But he did think that he'd been getting a raw deal recently.

"I love you too, you know."

"Of course, dragon." She moved to set her wineglass down on the table then before kissing his cheek. "Silly. You say some silly things, you know that?"

And he was back to the simple version of Mirajane. Great.

Although…she was easier to manipulate when she wasn't feeling up to being intelligent.

"You hurt my feelings, Mira, making me think that you didn't know that."

'Aw."

"And that wine was real expensive."

"It's good," she agreed. "And I am drinking it. All of it, hopefully."

"You gonna get drunk demon?"

"I plan on it."

That made his job a lot easier. Why was he even wasting his time schmoozing her?

"Oh, Lax," she sighed as she took to just resting up against him. "I'm just glad too, you know, to get to have this night with you. And so soon after the last time I got off."

"The horror."

"I just know that you're going to take off again soon. You always do."

"I have to, Mira. That's how I get jewels, you know."

"I'm familiar with how it all works, yes."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"I don't want you to do anything," she said. "I just find it odd that you can whine about how frequently we have sex, but the second I mention that you're hardly here half the time anyways, I'm the one in the wrong."

Apparently, he didn't have ditzy Mira at the moment. Huh.

"I didn't say that we weren't having enough sex," he told her simply. "I just said that I've spent the past few days trying to get laid-"

"Is that why we date then, Laxus? Why you make me dinner? Just so we can have sex?"

"Yeah, Mira, it is. Welcome to life."

"Dragon-"

"It's true. I'm just being real. I-"

"Then let's just fuck. Right now."

He about did a double take. How much wine had the woman had?

"Seriously?"

Mirajane just stared at him though and shrugged slightly. His suspicions were raised, however.

"This isn't a trick?"

"Why would I trick you?"

"Uh, because you're a demon."

"Look, if that's all you want out of this, fine. Then I can get back to work and not have to choke down that dinner in there that I just know is disgusting, like it usually is, with that stupid smile painted on my face."

"…What's going on now?"

"You wanted to be real, Laxus, right? So let's be real."

And therein laid the trick. He knew it was coming.

Mirajane-"

"Where do you want me? How do you want me?"

"Stop it."

"I'm happy, Lax. Now that I know it's just sex, I can leave after and don't have to lay around in your filthy apartment and listen to you snore all night. And, by the way, you could shower before I come over. Especially when you know in advance."

"You-"

"And for the record? When you get up in the night and lay your nasty coat over me, I don't like it. It stinks and it's itchy."

"What is your problem, woman?"

"I don't have a problem. You're the one-"

"Damn it, Mirajane, I love you, alright? And I love spending time with you. And yeah, I'm an asshole, so I have a fucking hard time getting around to saying that, but I do. Would I like that time to involve screwing? Sure. But if you just want to sit here tonight and do this, fine. But if you hated my cooking so much, you should have said something before I wasted all this time. I mean, sheesh. I'm a busy man, demon. But I make time for you. And maybe not as much as you'd like, but I do. I-"

"And I do for you too," she cut him off. "A lot. And when you pretend like I don't or like I'm a bad girlfriend-"

"I never called you a bad girlfriend. Ever. I just…you're my demon, okay?" He was staring at her then. "And I get annoyed when those idiots ruin our moments together. They're so rare. I don't want them to be, but they are. I feel like I never have you long enough. I never will either."

"Laxus…"

And then, they were so close there, on the couch, that it was easy for them to kiss, to mold into one another.

"I don't really hate your coat," Mirajane whispered when he pulled back. "Honest. I just-"

"Demon."

"Hmmm?"

"Shhh."

Her eyes met his with a giggle as he grinned as well before getting back down to business. His little demon.

It wasn't a knock at the door that time either, that ruined the moment. Nope. Not even a hint of a knock. Instead, the damn door just _flew open_ out in the hall and a very concerned Freed entered the living room.

At the sight of Mirajane with her dress pulled down some and Laxus more than enjoying her breasts, he could only stare.

"What the hell, Freed?" Laxus growled as, the second she'd heard the door opening, Mira had went to work on getting her dress back in order. "Get out!"

"I-I-"

"Out!"

He just rushed back into the hall then. "Laxus, I truly am sorry, but-"

"I don't hear you leaving!"

"What did you want, Freed?" Mira called as she pulled her dress back up quickly. "Something important, I'm assuming?"

"Rather," he agreed. "It's your brother and Bickslow."

"I don't care about this," Laxus growled. "Anything about it. So get out. Those two numbskulls-"

"Just go talk to him," Mira sighed as she shifted away from him. "Quickly, please."

"Demon-"

"It's about Lisanna too, Laxus," the man called. "And-"

"What?" Mira moved to get up then, but her boyfriend just pushed her back down. "Dragon-"

"I'm on it," he grumbled, heading out of the room. "Freed, come into the kitchen. I gotta check on dinner anyhow."

In there, Laxus took no time in glaring at Freed who was trying his hardest to look contrite.

"If it makes you feel better," he said softly, as not to be overheard by Mirajane, he said, "I did not rather enjoy seeing the two of you-"

"Get," Laxus growled, "to the point, Freed. I have a demon out there, waiting for me."

"Right," he said, though his nerves were still plain as day. "W-Well, it all had to do with Elfman and Bickslow, of course. Bickslow is still very much so intent on proving himself to Elfman who, for the most part, seems to just be having fun."

"What are you telling me?"

"I am telling you," the letter mage went on then, "that they have spent the day doing a rigorous set of challenges to deem who is the manliest."

"And? What? You came to give me a status update? Freed, I don't care. They-"

"The second to last one was to see who could drink the most," the man said, speaking quickly then, as not to be run out by his idol. "And, being that he is significantly smaller, Bickslow did not hold up very well. And, well, the final one was to see who could lift the most weights-"

"Why does he keep coming up with things that he has the disadvantage in?" Laxus grumbled. "I mean, seriously?"

"Well, anyhow, they were both plastered when they decided to-"

There it was. Finally. That horrible knock at the door Laxus had missed before.

At that point, he wasn't even shocked, really. What was his life anymore without that _aggravating_ knock at the door? Honestly?

"Laxus?" That person didn't wait for an invitation either. "It's me, Ever. I need to talk to you about-"

"Elfman and Bickslow. I fucking know," he growled. "What else is new?"

"What's going on?" Mirajane was tired of waiting to find out then and rushed to the hall to speak with Evergreen. Laxus, hearing her head in there, growled before dragging Freed that way. It was better if they got the whole thing finished as a group, he figured.

"Freed." Ever sounded shocked by his appearance. "What are you-"

"I thought it was best if I came and told-"

"But if I'm here and you're here, then who's with Bickslow?"

"Lisanna."

"Right. Because right now that's the best option."

"Why would you leave then if you thought-"

"Uh, because, Freed, Bickslow wasn't my deal. Elfman was. And he's fine now, so-"

"What," Laxus grumbled, "happened?"

"As I said," the letter mage began again, "they were both very drunk when Bickslow decided that, to prove his manhood, they would see who could lift the most. So, of course, Mirajane, they headed right out to your house, where Elfman has his weights and…"

"And what?" she asked. "Did they-"

"The blood will come out of the carpet," Ever was quick to say.

"What?"

"And Lisanna is not that injured," Freed added.

Laxus, still not clear on what they were talking about, just put a hand to his head. Clearly, he would not be getting the night that he wanted any time soon.

"Dragon-"

"Go, Mira. I'll see you later," he sighed as she didn't even wait for a full explanation, just left with Evergreen to go check on…someone. Whichever one. Laxus didn't care. They could all be on their deathbeds and he wouldn't care. Why should he? Clearly they didn't care about him and his need to get laid.

"You wanna stay for dinner?" he grumbled to Freed when it was only the two of them left. "And tell me exactly what's going on?"

It was actually rather simple, as Laxus found out. Apparently, in his drunkenness, Bickslow somehow managed to drop one of the weights onto Elfman's big foot causing the other man to stumble around in pain and, somehow, end up pushing into Lisanna who managed to fall and bust her nose.

"Only they," Laxus grumbled when he and Freed sat down to dinner, "could manage to ruin this. Or do that. Who does that?"

"Elfman's foot is broken."

"Great."

"And Lisanna's nose seems fine. Just a lot of blood."

"Even better."

"And we still have yet to prove if Bickslow is or is not a man."

"And when the hell will we ever?" Stabbing at his food with fury, Laxus said, "I don't get what the big deal is anyhow. So Elfman doesn't think he's a man. Who cares? He's not. And either is Elfman. They're both blundering idiots with foolish girlfriends and a impeccable sense of when the demon's about to blow me. And do they use any of those things for the greater good? Nope. They just ruin my life left and right for their own amusement. Dumbasses. All of them. And you too. Coming in here and sneaking peeks at my demon-"

"That is not at all what I was intending," Freed said, looking away. "I rather like to not think about you and Mira as…"

"Yeah? Well, there's no need to think about it, apparently. You know, _since it never happens anymore_."

"Surely you're being a tad dramatic."

Surely he was being more than a tad, but hey, he was the damn Thunder God. He could be whatever he wanted to be.

"I just wish that you guys would stop coming over to my place and interrupting…"

That was it. Just like that, it hit him. How to keep the others from bothering him and the demon. And it was just so simple, when he really thought about it.

"Uh, Laxus?" Freed glanced across the table at him. "You did not finish your thought. What-"

"Nothing, Freed." He had to hide the devious smirk that threatened to form. "Nothing at all."

* * *

"Lissy-"

"Shut up."

"…I'm sorry-"

"I said to shut up."

"Kid-"

"Bickslow, honestly, just be quiet, alright? You're lucky that we're even letting you stay here tonight."

That was true. Mirajane had not been the least bit happy when she got home to find all of them all bruised up and whatnot. Bickslow was pretty drunk though and, more or less to keep him from getting into anymore trouble, she just let Lisanna make him a bed on the couch to sleep. It was fine, after all, as Elfman was over at Ever's, being nursed (nagged) back to health.

"If you're gonna sleep out here with me," he grumbled, glancing over at where she'd made her own bed on the loveseat (neither was much up for sharing her bed, considering they were fighting), "then you could try and be a bit nicer."

"I could, but I'm not going to."

"Well, would you at least help me think of my next plan of attack?"

"Next plan of- Bickslow, you can't be serious."

"Why can't I?"

"You're still going to bother with Elfman? I mean, honestly? You-"

"I'm not bothering with him, Lissy. I'm proving myself to him."

"Proving what, Bickslow? Huh? That you're crazy? Because that's pretty much all you're proving."

"No. I'm proving that I can be with you."

"To who? Elf? What does he have to do with anything? What? You think that he controls me or something?"

"I just think," he grumbled, "that things will be easier if he respects me. That's all."

"That's all," she mocked, shifting over on the loveseat. His babies were all over there with her, ditching him for the woman because Lisanna was just _so_ perfect. Bleh. "You know, I'm not a little kid. Elfman doesn't control who I date. And he does like you…enough. So why bother with it? You and him don't have to be, like, friends or anything. Why should you?"

Huffing some, he said, "I'm just tryin' to be a good boyfriend over here."

"Well, you're not."

"Am too."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are-"

"You both already ruined my date with Laxus," they heard Mirajane call from somewhere else in the house, no doubt her bedroom. "You are not going to keep me up all night. I will kick you out, Bickslow, if the two of you just don't go to bed. You've done enough damage for a day, haven't you?"

"Am not," Lisanna whispered then, glaring over at him. Bickslow just lifted his head to stick his marked tongue out at her.

"Are too."

"Am not."

"You know, kid," he hissed under his breath, "I'm only doing this for you."

"No, you're not. You're doing this for yourself. To feel like a man or like you have a, I don't know, right to me or something. Which is stupid. The only reason we're together is because we both want to be. Not because Elfman or Mirajane let you be with me. I'm not an animal. I wasn't given to you. And I'm not going to be, so-"

"That's not what I'm treatin' this as though. I-"

"Bickslow, I want to be with you. And you want to be with me. That's all that matters." And then, slowly, she gently sat all of his babies that were laying on her stomach off on the loveseat before getting to her feet. Coming over to the couch, she made him sit up before joining him on it. "Isn't it?"

"I guess so, kid." He was more concerned then with moving to press a hand to one of her cheeks. "How's your nose?"

"It's been better."

"I blame your brother."

"I blame you both."

"I figured."

"Are you still drunk?"

"It's been hours," he said with a shrug. "Why?"

"I'd feel kinda bad about taking advantage of you," Lisanna said with a grin as she turned to stare up at him. "In your previous condition."

"Don't ever worry about that, kid," he said with his own smirk, tongue wagging as he spoke. "I'd never turn down- That's it!"

"What's it?"

"I bet I've slept with way more women that your brother." Bickslow snickered then. "That's super manly. He'd have to bow down to me if- Hey, Lissy, where are you-"

"You ruined it." Going back over to the loveseat, she gathered up his babies before turning to walk out of the living room. "Stay out here and be a man, Bickslow."

"Lissy-"

"Goodnight."

He just groaned before moving to lay with his face down on the couch again. So talking about past conquests might be the way to go, but apparently not if he wanted to keep Lisanna happy. Hmm. There had to be something else. Something simple. Something he could hands down beat Elfman in that he would just have to admit that he was one hundred percent a man.

But what?

"Oy," Bickslow mumbled to himself as he shut his eyes. "Maybe I'll go see the boss tomorrow and ask 'im." He was, after all, always full of good ideas. Not that he seemed to be too willing to give them out recently, but hey. Couldn't hurt to try.

* * *

 **Eek. Bickslow and Lisanna kinda took a backseat to Mirajane and Laxus (again), but I can't help it. I mean, I could, I guess, but I don't really want to. The next two chapters should be more group scenes anyhow.**


	4. Chapter 4

Mohawks and Manliness

Chapter 4

"This place is _too_ nice," Mirajane said as Laxus pulled out her chair for her.

"Anything for you, demon."

"I mean, you bring me to this fancy dinner, you book us that nice hotel, you even brave the train for me-"

"You're just worth it," he told her simply. "What else is there to say?"

A lot. Like the only reason he was dropping that many jewels on something like that was because he figured it was the only way to be sure that they were completely and utterly out of the range of her idiotic siblings and his stalkerish followers.

It was the only way, it seemed.

The whole thing had taken a bit of planning, honestly. He had to book the room, set the reservations, get Mirajane off, make sure the Thunder Legion were all busy with one another and, heck, if he didn't pull it all off.

Especially that last one. It hadn't been that hard, actually, if he was going to be honest. He just used the same point of contention that had been bubbling the whole time.

Who was the bigger man? Eh?

Him.. Laxus freaking Dreyar. Duh.

But, for the sake of getting his alone time with his demon, Laxus left Elfman and Bickslow to their quest for manliness, suggesting to both of them before he and Mirajane ducted out of town that they should have a final round. A final test of Bickslow's manliness.

Hehe. He almost started laughing, just thinking about what he had suggested to the two of them. And he knew that they would follow through with it. Because they were idiots. And it would probably cost them a hospital trip (maybe), but if so, then that was just the price of interrupting all his dates.

Besides, Bickslow and Elfman were big boys. They could deal with possible burns…or blindness…or loss limbs…

Oh jeez. What had he left the two of them to?

"I am?"

And Mirajane was talking again so he didn't care about those idiots anymore.

"Of course, woman," he said with a wink before nodding down at the menu. "Order whatever you want. Just make sure you save room for dessert."

"Really?"

"Of course, woman," he said, looking over his own menu. "Red or white?"

"Red or white what?"

"Wine, demon," he insisted. "What do you want?"

"You want wine?"

"Don't you?"

"You're already spending so-"

"Red then," he decided. "Since you're gonna be difficult."

"Lax," she sighed. "I just don't understand why you're doing all of this."

"Because I love you."

"I mean," she corrected, "that you didn't have to do all this. I know that you just took me away for the weekend so that we wouldn't be interrupted. The shopping trip you promised tomorrow, the dinner tonight, the ritzy hotel." She shook her head. "You don't have to woo me. We would have…you know, anyways. It's not like we're just dating. You are my boyfriend. You don't gotta spend all this money on me."

Making a face over at her, he said, "Yes, demon, I do. And it's because you're my woman that I do. What? You think that just floozies get the high life? Not with this dragon."

"Floozies?" Mirajane made a face. "Sometimes I wonder what generation you grew up in. I mean, I know you got some years on me, but this many?"

"Hush." He went back to his menu. "And enjoy the night."

It wasn't until after they ordered that she said anything of real significance.

"So, dragon," she prodded as he took a sip of wine. "About what you said before. About enjoying the night."

"Hmmm?"

"Instead of dinner," she explained. "You said to enjoy the evening."

He nodded. "What about it?"

"There's not something…after this? Is there?"

"Why, demon," he said with a smirk. "Are you wanting me, the man that just bought you dinner, wine, and will get you dessert to spend even more-"

"No," she was quick to say. "Of course not. I just…was wondering."

"I figured we'd go for a nice stroll," he said, wagging his eyebrows at her. "Don't know to where, but if you got somewhere in mind-"

"Actually," she cut him off. "Just going back to the hotel sounds fine with me. Thanks."

Laxus grinned widely. "You don't say?"

Without a menu, Mira had few places to hide her blush. "Yes, well."

"Mmmm." He took a long sip of the wine then, savoring it before setting his glass back down. Then, leaning back in his chair, he said, "You should have told me before, demon, that the reason you were telling me this all wasn't necessary was because you wanted it just as badly as me."

Giving him a look, she said, "You do realize I have needs too, right?"

"I definitely do."

"And besides," she huffed, "this whole thing was good for something at least."

"And what was that?"

"It got me off for the weekend."

He nodded, wholeheartedly agreed, one hundred percent. They worked his poor baby demon to the bone.

"You deserve it."

"Awe. You deserve some time to yourself too though, you know," she was quick to add. "You work so hard, dragon."

"I do," he agreed.

"And your plans for the two of us have been thwarted by so many trivial things recently that it's just not fair."

"It's not."

"And I just want to show you how much I love you. That's all."

"Demon?"

"Hmmm?" She was taking a sip of her own wine then, but did glance over at him.

"This isn't supposed to be about me," he reminded. "I was bragging on you. Yet somehow you shifted it to being about me."

"You usually love that."

"I know, but tonight was special."

"You know I can't help myself, Lax," she told him with a shrug. "If there's anything I like talking about, it's guitar."

He blinked. "Okay."

"And then my brother and sister."

"I don't-"

"And Fairy Tail."

"You're really-"

"But then you. Definitely you."

Grinning over at her, he said, 'You're at the top of my list."

"You don't have to lie tonight, you know. You're already in."

"Oh, no, I know. But you are."

"Sure."

"You are." He snickered. "Why would I ever lie? Huh?"

"Gee, I wonder."

"You're the one that said I ain't gotta try, right?" he reminded. "So why would I care either way?"

"I didn't say you didn't have to try. Just that you didn't have to schmooze."

"And I ain't," he assured her. "Just showing my appreciation for my demon, who I love dearly. Is that so shocking?"

"Coming form you? A bit."

His grin was toothy then. "Woman, I love you. Of course you're my favorite subject."

"Of course."

"Alright." He held up a hand. "I ain't gonna try and convince you or anything. Just know that it's true."

Humming, she took another long sip of wine before saying. "I do, dragon. Trust me, I do."

Dinner went well. Mira was quite full just from the main course alone, but Laxus still forced some cake down in her, claiming that she needed it. And that stroll, if one could call it that, was straight back to the hotel room, her leaning heavily on him the entire way. Just the way he liked her.

When they finally got back to the room, well, things were heavy from the beginning. Again, matching Laxus preferences and enjoyment excellently. In fact, it was probably the closest he'd gotten to being with Mira in weeks.

Then it happened.

There was a knock at the door.

Which they ignored at first. They were in a hotel room. Laxus hadn't told anyone where they were going. There wasn't a person that should be disturbing them-

The knocking didn't stop. That dreaded knocking. Banging, really. And not the kind that Laxus was wanting!

"What," he growled as he shoved up and away from the undressed Mirajane, "is going on?"

"Boss! It's me! Open up!"

"Yeah, open up, sis! We have a problem."

"Oh, you fuckin' bet we do," Laxus growled as Mirajane, rather flushed and, for once, not in embarrassment, struggled to get up. He just shoved her back down though. "Fuck off, you idiots. You-"

"Boss, this is life or death."

"Yeah, sis, really."

"Lax," Mirajane whispered. "Maybe-"

"You're right," the slayer growled as he jumped up. "It is life or death. In fact, it's just pure death for you idiots!"

He had never taken off his boxers and didn't pull anything else on as he stalked over to the hotel room door.

"How," he howled, "did you two find us?"

"What do you mean?" Lisanna was standing out there in the hall and was the first one he glanced at. "Mirajane told me where you guys were-"

"She what?"

When he glared back at the woman, he found her hiding under the sheets. From beneath them, she called, "I had to, Lax. In case of an emergency."

"What kinda-"

"There was one!" Lisanna slipped passed Laxus then, rushing into the hotel room. "Mirajane, look at Bickslow. Your boyfriend made your brother do this to him!"

"What?" Laxus glanced at Bickslow who previously had been grinning, but stopped when the man looked at him. "There ain't nothin' wrong with him!"

"And Elf isn't just my brother you know," Mira pointed out. She still had the sheets pulled up over her head and she didn't seem like she was going to be coming out any time soon. "Now what's the-"

"Thanks to boss and his just oh so great suggestions," Bickslow said as he pushed his visor up over his eyes, "this happened!"

Though Mira couldn't see it, Laxus could. And, with a snort at the man's completely red eyeball, he said, "You should have never poured that stuff on your eyes, man."

"What?" Mira sat up then. "What hap-"

"Elfman had to go to the hospital for it, you jerk," Lisanna hissed, frowning over at Laxus. "And Bickslow should too, probably, but…"

"But?" Mira asked softly as the seith came into the room. Laxus didn't even fight it. Knew he couldn't. What would be the point? What was ever the point? Clearly, Mirajane just didn't want him. It wasn't meant to be. Clearly.

"I'm too much of a man to go!" Bickslow puffed out his chest. Glaring at him, Laxus reached out to hit him in it. "Arg!"

"What?" Laxus frowned. "I barely touched-"

"They also spilled potions over their chests and might have gotten burned-"

"They what?" Mirajane, in worry, bounded out of bed at that, forgetting momentarily her state of undress. "We have to take him to the hospit-"

"I feel better," Bickslow said, even opening that injured eye just to gawk at Mira. "Much."

Laxus hit him in the chest harder that time, making the other guy fall over in agony.

"Bickslow!" Lisanna didn't know whether to be afraid for him or angry at him, but rushed to his side regardless. Then, glaring at Laxus as Mirajane, flushed then from embarrassment, dove back for the bed, Lisanna hissed, "This is all your fault."

"My fault?"

"Yeah. Your fault."

"Is that why you came here? Huh?" He snorted down at her as she sat on her knees, comforting her boyfriend. "To call me out or something? Tattle on me to your sister? Well too bad. Get out. Both of you. You're-"

"Laxus," Mira hissed from under the covers. Beneath them, she took a moment to transform, only coming out when she had a dress on. "We are not letting him just writhe around there. He could be seriously injured. Damn it, Lisanna, why didn't you take him to-"

"He would only come here. To show you guys how much more of a man he is. That Elfman let Evergreen take him to the hospital."

"Oh, you mean how Elfman was intelligent?" Laxus growled. Then he started kicking at Bickslow. "Huh? Huh? How smart Elfman was? You idiot. You're not allowed to die here!"

"I don't wanna," Bickslow gasped out. "Because I'm a man!"

"You're going," Mira said before glaring at her sister. "Help him up. Dragon, get dressed."

"What? Why do we gotta go?"

"Laxus, his magic is in his eyes," she reminded. "What do you want? For him to lose his magic?"

"He deserves it."

"Laxus-"

"And where are his babies, Lisanna?" Mira went on as she forced Laxus to go get dressed. The two of them were still out in the hall and, well, it was actually rather embarrassing. They were in a rather nice place, after all.

Lisanna only blinked. Then she looked around. "Um-"

"You lost," Laxus growled, "your damn dolls, Bickslow?"

"I got a lot going on, man!"

"Okay, so I'm going to go take them to the hospital," Mirajane sighed as she went to help her sister get the seith up. "And you, Laxus, are going to go round up his babies. There's five."

"Quick!" Bickslow suddenly sat up. "I'm going into the light!"

"I turned on the bedroom light, dumbass," Laxus growled as Lisanna only gently reached out to push the man's visor back over his eyes. "And Mira, I think the two of them can handle going to the hospital. I-"

"We're not going," Bickslow insisted. "I'm a man."

"Great," Lisanna grumbled as she glared over at him. "Elfman turned him into him. Like I really wanted to date my brother."

"Come on." Mira sighed, glancing back at Laxus. "Remember. Five."

When she closed the door, Laxus let it all out. He growled some, yelled a bit, and even kicked a few things around. Then, still in a huff, he got dressed and went to work on tracking down those damn dolls.

* * *

"I am so glad that you've all arrived."

Ever only glared at Mirajane. "You forced us to come."

That much was true.

"Still," the she-demon insisted, "you made the choice to listen."

"You threatened us with Laxus," Elfman grumbled. "What did you expect?"

Also true.

"And then when that didn't scare us," Lisanna went on, "you turned into Satan Soul and came after us."

Again, true.

"Then you shot me with this ball of energy in my injured chest!" Bickslow complained.

That time, Mira only sighed. "Are we going to list all of my transgressions or are we going to get to why you're all here?"

"Preferably the latter," Freed said, "considering I still am unsure what exactly I'm doing here."

None of them knew, really, other than after spending a night and a day in the hospital, upon Bickslow's release, Mirajane used a communication lacrima to get in touch with Ever and Elfman, informing them that they were all meeting in the town she and Laxus had run off to, that day, and they had better be there, along with Freed, less she'd sic Laxus on them.

Bickslow and Lisanna, who wanted no part in the meeting, were, as previously mentioned (griped), were threatened instead with Satan Soul, in the flesh and, well, that went just as splendidly.

She rounded them all up in the hotel room she and Laxus had for the weekend. There was a couch in there, which Ever, Bickslow, and Freed shared, Lisanna seated on an armrest, while Elfman took to pacing around the room, a little loopy from some pain pills.

Not to mention the eye patch they'd made him wear was screwing with his depth perception. Most importantly though, no matter what Ever said, it just wasn't manly!

Mira had even mandated that the babies had to go into the bathroom, all by themselves, after that stressful day of getting lost and then found by Laxus the night before. The horror.

"Alrighty then," Mirajane said as she stood before them all, trying her hardest to look as annoyed as she felt. Her bangs were down, which gave her a good chance at accomplishing just that. "Well, for starters, I'm very disappointed in you all."

"Yeah, well-" Elfman tried.

"Tell them about how you hate them, Mira," Laxus suggested from the bed, which he was sitting on the end of as he glared at the others. "And that we want to disown-"

"Lax, I got this," she said, holding up a hand to him though she didn't break her glare at the others. "Now. Surely you guys understand what things you've been doing to us that might annoy us. Right?"

Bickslow scratched at his cheek. "I'm drawin' a blank here."

"I know what Elf and Bickslow are doing to annoy me," Lisanna hissed, frowning over at both of them. "But no. I don't recall doing anything to either of you."

"Seriously?" Laxus growled. "You seriously have no-"

"Don't make me say it," Mira pleaded. "Really. Just stop doing it."

"How can I stop doing something that I don't know what I did?" Freed insisted. "Huh?"

"The only thing that you did," Laxus complained, "was let these idiots run wild."

"You cannot be tried for others crimes," the letter mage insisted.

"You can in this court," Laxus told him with a nod.

"Laxus and I have not been able to be alone in weeks," Mirajane said.

"How's it our fault that he would rather be with anyone other than you?" Evergreen asked with a hint of snark. "I mean, honestly?"

"Shut up, Ever," Laxus growled. "Next one who interrupts my demon gets shocked."

"But Laxus, what if you interrupt her?" Bickslow asked. "I mean, unless you and Mirajane are into that-"

"Shut up you idiots!"

"Calm down, dragon." That time Mira did glance back at him. "Do you need to step outside? Here, did you bring your cigars? Go have a smoke out on the balcony."

"Boy, boss," Bickslow remarked as the man set off to do that. "A nice balcony on an even nicer hotel room. You and Mira were celebratin' somethin', I take it?"

"No, you moron, we're-"

"Go, dragon. I'll get you when we're done."

Laxus didn't want to go, but did. The second he was out on the balcony with a cigar to sedate him, Mirajane turned her attention back on their merry band of fools.

"I," she complained, gaze truly dark then, "do not understand how you all don't get that me and Laxus want to be alone. I mean, honestly? Are you all that needy? Huh? Why can't you just leave us alone and entertain yourselves?"

Ever, without Laxus around to keep her tame, scoffed. "We don't need you guys. You're the one that called us here, need I remind you."

"Yeah, sis," Elfman agreed. "We haven't done anything like what you're saying."

Bickslow nodded. "I especially."

"You're the main cause of all of this!" Mira was exasperated and it showed. "You and Elfman."

"I agree," Lisanna called out. "They-"

"You be quiet." Mirajane even raised a finger at her. "You're no better. All of you. Laxus and I have been trying for weeks to…to…"

"To what?" her sister prompted with a frown.

"To have sex! We just want to have sex. Why can't you all just let us have sex?"

Elfman started choking then as Ever only held her hand fan over her mouth.

"My, my, Mirajane," she mocked as the other woman blushed. "To think Laxus could have such a hold on you."

"Ew," Lisanna complained. "Mira, I don't want to talk about this."

"I want boss to get laid," Bickslow said with a nod. "Totally. So I'd never do anything to hamper-"

"But you are," Mirajane insisted through her deep red tint. "All of you are. You keep interrupting us every single time we-"

"Last night is the only time in my memory that we have ever interrupted you," the seith argued. "Although it did get me a pretty nice look at you- Lissy, I'm hurt! You can't hit me."

She did it again. "Bet."

Freed, though he seemed uncomfortable, nodded. "As someone else that cannot have Laxus, I can sympathize, Mirajane."

"Thank- Wait, what?"

Elfman couldn't look at his sister, though he did stop his pacing. "I don't want to talk about this. Men don't talk about their sisters… I mean, they talk about sex, of course, but this? Not with their relatives involved. I have to-"

"No, we are taking about it." It was his turn to get a finger wag. "This whole thing started when you punched Bickslow. Now look at both of you! You're in an eye patch, he almost went blind, you both have burns on your chests from chemicals-"

"Unattractive ones at that," Ever added because, well, it needed to be. "And honestly, I don't understand how any of that helped us determine who the bigger man was."

"Because men can withstand pain or something," Lisanna groaned, shaking her head. "It was really stupid, but Laxus told them to do it, of course, so-"

"The point isn't how idiotic this all is," Mirajane cut them off. "I mean, yes, it was-"

"I still went the longest without a hospital," Bickslow kept up. "So-"

"So nothing! I've been a man all along!" Elfman raised a hand. "Real men know how to ask for help! Especially from hospital staff!"

"Enough!" Mira was over her embarrassment then as she took a page out of Laxus' handbook and literally growled at them. The slayer heard it from outside, where he was smoking his cigar, and grinned out at the city before him.

His demon was a beast when she wanted to be.

Inside, she went on from there.

"Elfman," she hissed, "you have no right to tell Lisanna who she can and cannot date. Short of the guy just being abusive towards her, you have to be accepting. Bickslow's good for her. I don't care if you think that he's a man or not. Lisanna's not breaking up with him. Get over it."

"Huh?" That made him look at her, if only for a second. "What are you-"

"And Bickslow. Get over it. Elfman doesn't think anyone's a man other than him. You think that Laxus lets it bother him that he doesn't like him? Huh? No. He mans up and ignores it. Do you love my sister?"

"W-Well, yeah, I-"

"Then move the hell on. Doing things that are only going to be detrimental to your health does nothing for anyone. We all love you. You dying trying to prove yourself to someone won't help a damn thing. Pouring pepper juices in your eyes? Then potions? And chemicals on your chests? Really? Are you idiots? Are you? Because if you are, just tell me, and I'll stop expecting things from you."

"N-No, but-"

"And Lisanna, you want to be an adult? Fine. Be an adult," Mira said, glaring at her sister then. "Manage your own boyfriend. It's not my job to force him to go to the hospital. I have my own to deal with. I'm tired of babysitting you and yours. All of you, really."

Freed nodded approvingly as Evergreen lowered her fan to grin. Watching Mirajane give it to the others was fun.

Noticing their looks, she turned her stares onto them.

"You guys aren't in the clear," she added as Ever raised her fan back up and Freed's face fell. "You both just let all this happen. Especially you, Freed. I thought you always had a handle on all of them?"

"I have a handle on things just fine, thank you," he said, looking off. "It's not my fault that you and Laxus can't sleep together. Actually, Mira, I prefer it, so-"

"And Ever, Elfman's your deal," Mira pointed out. "And Bickslow's your friend. You couldn't at least try to bring them together?"

She snorted. "If this isn't your problem, then why should it be mine? Huh? I-"

"I don't dislike Bickslow! Sheesh!" Elfman huffed, looking then at the seith. "Is this what this has all been about? That you think that I don't like you?"

"I ain't a chick, dude," the seith grumbled. "But-"

"I thought that we were just playing a game," Elfman grumbled. "To prove that we were men. What? You think that if you proved yourself to me, I'd just hand Lisanna over to you? She's not a trophy, you dick."

"Yeah." Lisanna hadn't thought about it that way. "I'm not a-"

"I never said she was!" Bickslow was bucking up then. "You're the one that wouldn't let me train with the two of you. You-"

"And? You should have never asked."

"I was invited." Was he? He couldn't remember. "So there."

"Then you should have turned it down!" Elfman was getting worked up then as Mira deflated a bit. "I've already lost so much time with Lisanna and now you're taking up more of it. I deserve to be with her too. Not just you. What are you anyways? Just some stupid guy. So stop impeding on the little time we have left. Got it?"

That was heavier than any of them were expecting. And, for a moment, they were all quiet. Laxus had turned around, out on the balcony, and was staring in front the glass doorway, cigar hanging from his mouth.

"Elf," Ever and Mira whispered about the same time as Lisanna just stared. Bickslow though only frowned.

"I'm not just some guy," he grumbled. "But…I didn't know that it was so special to you or whatever."

"Well, it is. And her spending every waking hour with you isn't fair."

Bickslow bowed his head then and Lisanna took over.

"You can't hold against him what I do, Elfman," she said, though her voice wasn't as taut as theirs were. "I…haven't noticed that I wasn't spending much time with you."

"Well, you haven't."

"Then I'll spend more. There? Was it that hard?"

Shaking his head at her, he said, "I just don't want us to…to…"

"We won't. We're still close," she insisted. "But I have other interests now. And Bickslow happens to be one them. I respect you and Ever." Most of the time. "You should do the same for me."

Again, they were all silent. Until the sound of the balcony door opening was heard.

Poking his head in, Laxus said, "Uh, demon? We deserve respect too. Get to that."

Then the door shut and he was went back to overlooking the city and smoking his cigar.

Those damn Strausses. Everything was always so emotional with them. It made it impossible for Laxus to spend too much time around them.

And no he wasn't sniffling. It was just cold outside. Aggravatin' his allergies. That was all.

Damn.

Inside, everyone was just staring at one another then though no one speaking. Slowly, Mirajane whispered, "Then…is everything okay? Will you guys stop this stupid…game? Because, Bickslow, even if Elf doesn't think so, I think you're plenty manly. And Lisanna loves you. And we're all a family. You don't have to prove yourself to someone. You never do."

Freed nodded slightly. "And toying with your eyes, a huge part of your magic, was stupid. Can we get back to that? How stupid he was? Please?"

"Actually," Ever spoke up as she got to her feet. "I saw Laxus' cigar. It's about done. And, since apparently you two are so horny, Mira-"

"And there was go," Bickslow grinned and snickered. "I knew it wouldn't stay so dark for so long. Not with this bunch."

"We're not…horny," she blushed. "We just-"

"And there went my interest of being in this room." Lisanna stood. "If the point is that you want to sleep with Laxus, then just do it. Why did you have to drag us all here to tell us about it?"

"Yes, Mira," Freed agreed as he got up too. "This was most disgusting."

"What?" Ever remarked as they all headed to the door. "You two can't get off without others knowing first?"

"Disgusting," Bickslow grumbled.

Elfman though only went to throw an arm around Lisanna before calling over his shoulder, "Please don't ever do this again, Mira. None of us enjoyed it."

When they door shut behind them, Mirajane just stood there for a moment before letting out a long breath.

Finally, they were truly alone.

Rushing over to the balcony, Mirajane threw it open before staring out at Laxus.

"Still got a bit of cigar left, woman," he grumbled as she came to stand with him. "And it cost some jewels here, yeah? You can either blow me while I smoke it, or you can wait a minute."

She just went to stand next to him and take in the view a bit too. After a moment, she said, "Why do we put up with them?"

We? Laxus felt much more frustrated with the situation, personally, but hey.

"Because we love 'em."

That shocked Mira. Laxus only told her that, really. She knew, of course, that he did love the others, especially his bodyguards, but minus the threat of death, it wasn't something he would admit.

Still she only giggled. "Yeah. I guess we do."

Not as much as he loved her. And their time together. Finally, _finally_ , he had a chance at that again. And, the second his cigar was down to the butt, he took her back into the hotel room to enjoy her some.

They were more than a little into it when there was, almost comically then, a knocking at the door. A hurried one.

"Just let me in!" Bickslow called it from behind the door. "Real quick. One-"

Laxus, still very much so nude, went to do just that. The seith hardly dodged the punch as it came flying, ducking and rushing into the room, avoiding looking at the also nude Mirajane (though she was trying to get a sheet around herself).

"Come on, babies," the seith said as he hurried went to go release them from the bathroom. "We gotta get outta here. Sorry, boss! Hurry, babies. Very naughty things are about to go down here, I figure."

"Naughty," they sang as they rushed along with him. Bickslow getting the door on his way out. "Naughty."

Then it was just the demon and the dragon once more. For a moment, they only stared at one another. Slowly though, Laxus came back to the bed.

"I might love 'em," he growled as he tackled Mirajane again and buried his head in her neck, "but I fuckin' hate 'em too."

"Mmmm," Mirajane mewled, having a feeling that that time, they really would, finally, be completely alone. "Me too."

* * *

 **Just a little follow up next and then this one's finished. I know it was a long time coming, but kinda fits the theme of the story (on Laxus' side of things, anyways).**


End file.
